Early finish at Millview today , pills , quick chat about next week then we're let go free for the weekend , I talk with a lady in the kitchen about us both having 4 year old daughters , she's shaking awfully and sweating as she tries to butter some toast , the meds will sort her out in a day or 2 . Ricky's Fiancee was pissed again last night and screamed at him " I'm fucking Scottish , I was born to drink " , Frankie is brave enough to say what we are all thinking , " don't marry this women , she's gonna kill you " , you can cut the atmosphere with a fucking knife , he looks at her then at me and he's lost , bewildered , confused , looks like a child who's lost it's mother in the supermarket , excruciating to watch but I'm saying nothing , best way .

So I'm on my way and decide to pay a visit to PC world and have a browse , I notice a sign pointing to the Martlets ( Martlets is a hospice for the terminally ill ), my Dad spent a lot of time here so I walk up to the building to have a look , I wanted to see where my Dad had spent his final few weeks , the smell of lavender is overwhelming and the building is new but looks beautifully designed , my Dad enjoyed his weekly visits here and left them £20,000 in his will , the place is peaceful and it makes me happy . Looked at the ipods in the computer store and pick out a very attractive silver model that I must have but not today .

I'm close enough to the dealers that sold me the car I crashed whilst pissed the other week , it has been returned to them as I have lost my license for 26 months and cannot resist but to look and see if it's on the forecourt and up for sale , why I do this to myself I'm not sure ? If I had seen the car it would have upset me greatly , it wasn't there so I carried on and walked past a flat I lived in 15 years ago with the girl I should have married , Majella from County Mayo , Foxford , Ireland . She left me after 4 years unable to handle my drinking and unpredictable behaviour , we were engaged to be married and it was all very sad , yet again why do I torture myself with memories of the past , did I think she would come walking out of the front door , give me a big hug and tell me everything is gonna be OK . Did I expect my Dad to come skipping out of the Martlets and say "Hi Jimmy" ? That's enough nostalgia for now .

The weather is hot and I'm feeling super chilled due to the meds taken an hour earlier , Hove is vibrant with people and colour , pretty ladies and stalls selling punnets of strawberries £1.50 , slowly walking through the town I'm absorbing everything , the noise , the warm breeze , dogs on leads , the people sitting outside cafes taking tea , this is how my life should always be , it could be if only I could obey 1 little rule , NO ALCOHOL !!!! and this = PEACE OF MIND , very simple it sounds , easy to write it down , but to actually comply then your asking the world of me , can it be done ? Well of course , plenty have , can i do it ? Today yes .

Bus it into Brighton , too hot to walk and head to Primark , I've got a tenner in my pocket and want to treat myself for completing the first week of detox , try on a few pairs of sunglasses and find a wicked pair with white frames , pick up a t-shirt and unusually for me a pair of flip flops , wouldn't be seen dead wearing them outside but will be cool for indoor use , perhaps I could take them to the beach as the pebbles are a killer if you want to swim . The shades , t-shirt and flip flops cost £7.50 , a bargain indeed . Then i'm in the supermarket to buy some coke , 2 litres of ice cream ( it helps with the craving of alcohol ) and 6 magnum ice cream bars . LOVER -LY .