Today is ranked as one of the most important of my ** years in existence , the day I find out if the court will grant me an access order to my darling 4 year old daughter , the most wonderful and perfect child in her Daddies eyes . The day she was born I looked into her eyes and realised my life had changed forever , it scared me but I knew that I would die for this tiny baby and do whatever it took to protect her whatever the cost , I've paid a high price and haven't seen her for 10 months and it has destroyed me . My ex wife told me shortly after the birth that she would do anything within her power to stop me seeing my baby girl and she has been true to her word . We were separated at this time .

I'm starting to feel nervous , sick , worried if things don't go my way I may jump into the nearest bottle , I can only prey that the correct decision is made which will benefit my Daughter the most .

I have a lucky shirt that always gets worn for such occasions , a blue and white check Ben Sherman with short sleeves , it's not let me down yet so on it will go with my dark suit and black boots .

Live in the moment , live in the moment , calm down , just relax and breathe and everything will be OK won't it ?

I think i might be sick when my ex appears in front of me , just avoid eye contact , dont even look in her direction , perhaps she won't show up and we can run the case without her .