Fuk It!

Why me , Why me ? Why am I stuck with this Alcoholism , Mr A beat me up badly the weekend just gone , totally lost Saturday , just didn't happen . It's just fucking ridiculous , I have no control over my addiction and it's making a complete fool of me . The new neighbour is mocking me " Wheres your car , bollocks " , I ignored him , he's an alcoholic who also indulges in the occasional use of H , but he attends AA meetings though I never saw him when I went to a few the other week . I don't want people to think I'm what I am , I must beat it and turn my back on it for good , once and for all , over , finished , party over , Party , what fucking party ? I think I missed it . This time in 2 weeks I'll be in detox and I can't bring it on quick enough .

I went to see another alcohol worker this morning at the probation office , met her last week but don't really remember what we spoke about , thought I was meeting my new probation officer but he decided not to come to work so that was that . I'm thinking about a peer mentoring course , helping poor fuckers that are in my boots once I'm sober , it would be good for me , to help other people lost in a haze of booze and confusion , I could do it , be good at it , why doesn't someone mentor me today , like right this second , NOW , NOW , NOW ! I'm lost in a haze of booze and confusion , HELP !