I've got to make a plan , stop lapsing , take things seriously , do what the probation and all the other Fuckers sticking their beaks into my life want me to do , grin and bare it , be patient and smile sweetly at people I'd rather spit at , do the AA meetings ,the acupuncture , the triple p and the anger management courses . I pride myself on my honesty and will not associate with anyone I suspect of lying but I will lie through my fucking teeth to get access to my darling daughter , things are going too far , I'd expected at the least to get supervised access in court last week and all I get is the chance of sending her a birthday card , not even allowed to give her a present or some money .
Get back to the pool everyday , keep a routine , up early , bed early , look into my diet , lots of veggies and fruit , 1 cheeseburger a week MAX ! , read loads and sort this essay writing business out , get down on the beach with a pack lunch and READ , READ , READ . Read them fancy broadsheet papers they advise in the course warm up information . Book that little break in Cornwall and watch the surfers , do anything but DON'T FUCKING DRINK !!!! I know if I'm patient eventually I will get my baby back .