Banks , I fucking hate em , get all your money then still try and stitch you up with charges , robbing bastards feeding their fat cat Big Bosses ! Just had to get that off my chest.
Ricky is having trouble at home , his misses was pissed up again last night and she had promised to keep sober and support him for the first 2 weeks of the detox . She's out with her mates this afternoon getting fitted for her wedding dress and he knows when he goes home there will be 6 pissed women in his house , he's getting lots more medication than the others in our group and is still suffering with the shakes really bad . He's due to be married in August and is so upset about his ladies behaviour that he is starting to doubt if she is the women for him , he explains with tears in his eyes . The medication is making his speech slurry and it's sometimes difficult to understand what he is saying but his face is telling everyone " heartbreak" .
A new guy joins the full time inmates , his arms are slashed to bits through self harm and he's rattling , he blew a 120 on the breathalyzer so it's to dangerous to give him any medication , I go down to the garden for a smoke and there he is sitting on his own , I ask him if he's OK and he says he feel terrible , he's been up all night drinking , just getting that last bit in , we all did it and now he's coming down and had to wait until he is sober enough to get some happy pills . A crowd of us gather around the seating area and he goes back upstairs probably cursing the fact that he decided to visit Millview and not wanting the company of us so soon , give him a couple of days and he won't want to go home , I guarantee it . About 10 of us sit and stand smoking and listen to music off an ipod with speakers , a girl called Tinx is the D.J. , she is small , very pretty , dressed in a pink mini skirt , very low cut top and from Scunthorpe . We are a happy bunch and everyone is smiling and joking , usual chit chat , Ricky is sitting there messing with his mobile phone not speaking to anybody , quietly smouldering .

Jay didn't turn up today , if I were homeless and sleeping on cardboard I would make no fucking attempt to be sober either , maybe he'll come in tomorrow ?

This blogging thing is really catching on , a couple of members of my group want the e-mail address so they can start there own . They ask me if they can read mine , no , no , no .

Since Monday I had seen bods walking around with packets of biscuits , assuming they had purchased them from the little shop on the ground floor I tried to ignore them as I haven't had any money all week . this morning however whilst making a coffee a jar with biscuits catches my eye and I have a sneaky look , WOW it's packed with all sorts of lovelies , bourbons , custard creams , digestives , so I grab a couple of packs and sit in the day room happily munching away on my goodies . In case you didn't know alcohol is packed with sugar and when you give it up the craving for sugar is enormous . Im getting paid tomorrow and will for certain be buying a tonne of ice cream .

Please let me sleep a little better tonight and not vomit in the morning , I know it's my own fucking fault getting myself in such an awful state and I thank my Guardian Angels for looking after me when everyday I meet people in such worse situations than myself . To the Higher Powers , I just prey that you could bless and help all the addicts throughout the World to find some peace of mind . Thank you , Goodnight .

A bottle in the garden ?

Had an awful nights sleep , woke up covered in sweat at 1.30am , didn't really settle properly but must have dropped off as the alarm woke me at 6am . Stomachs upset and I'm vomiting into the sink , this is normal for my detox , I know my body well enough and had expected some reaction . Bath , tea and cigarettes and I'm feeling fine if a little sweaty but it's a warm day so that's OK .
Report into Millview detox and have the usual breathe test and blow a big ZERO , I tell the nurse Ive been vomiting and sweating so she gives me my pills and I make myself a coffee and sit in the day room and wait for the others to arrive . nothing much is happening so I pop down to the garden for a smoke and chat with the inmate addicts , we sit in the sun and the conversation as always is about alcohol or other drugs . An old fella sits with his legs propped up on a spare chair and is concerned about the blisters and redness of his feet and legs which has mysteriously appeared over night , his teeth are broken and black and he chain smokes roll ups , still dressed in his faded hospital issue orange pyjamas .
We have a quiz which I have done twice before due to my previous visits , same questions , lunchtime , injections in the buttocks which were very painful today . A guy called Rich is feeling angry with his wife , she had promised to stay sober for the 2 weeks he was in detox and she came home late last night pissed and started picking fights with him , then falls asleep and keeps him up all night with her snoring , he rings her today at lunchtime and is furious that she is in the pub having lunch . He got so agitated that was given extra medication , but through very slurry speech was still fuming and threatening to "kick her in the cunt!" , then lock himself in the shed so she wouldn't bother him .
Alarm is raised as an empty bottle of wine is found in the back garden , everyone has to be breathalyzed and suspicious eyes are raised , "who could it be ?" , not me that's for sure . Nobody blows a positive breathe test so it remains a mystery ????
Relaxation session this afternoon , breathing exercises and focusing on different parts of the body , flex the muscles then relax and so on . More pills dispensed for this evening then it's home time , I walk to the bus stop with Jay who is sleeping on the beach tonight , he's got 3 kids and only sees the 1 in Kent but has to get straight then maybe move closer .

Boozy Floozie .

Today I met a lady that could drink a bottle of vodka in 3 minutes , now that's fucking drinking , I chatted to her in the back garden of the detox unit and she told me her liver was fucked , she arrived the same time as me this morning and didn't want to go onto the ward , her son was carrying her bags and slowly he coaxed her through the door. It wasn't her first visit and said the last time she had completed the detox , the first thing she did on leaving was go for a drink , Mr Alcohol has got his dirty fucking hands wrapped right around her throat , she looked confused and old , she was only in her 40's I should think but looked more like 60!

We discussed the ads and disadvantages of alcohol in our little group after some chill pills , another member joined us called Jay , He was to pissed yesterday so came along today , He is homeless and lives in a car park with a guy he met in prison , he was asleep for most of the day , I don't know if it was the medication or the fact he's living on the streets . There's spare beds on the ward but he doesn't want to stay so goes back home to his car park with his mate who funnily enough doesn't drink .

Lunch time , more pills and I eat my lunch and put the big flat screen TV on in our room and watch the tennis , things aint that bad , I'm thinking to myself . The afternoon is spent chatting about how we could benefit from kicking Mr A into touch , I fantasise about some exotic holiday or days out in london looking around galleries , others in the group are concerned about loosing their social lives as they meet pals in pubs and clubs , I dont have this problem , nobody will drink with me as my behaviour becomes menacing so I have been an indoor drinker ever since they banned smoking from Pubs , too fuking painful in the winter , in and out the pub every 10 minutes for a fag , Bollocks to that !

We had our injections just before leaving and the bus bouncing up and down the road on my way home made me wince , I almost got off and ended up standing for most of the journey .

(sorry if my spelling isn't correct but checker not working)

The afternoons sport was a complete paradox , the motor racing was great fun with webber walking away from a crash at 190 mph , the whole car flipped 360 degrees then smashed into the tyre wall , my stomach sickened as I thought he's gotta be dead . The foota was of the poorest level and England were beaten up by Germany 4-1 .

Detox at hospital tomorrow , I'm not looking foward to it !

Slept awfully last night , http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hd1CQEtrQMY&a=MuW_9Twk7B4&playnext_from=ML , dream't that I was with my ex wife and she had given birth to a baby boy , he was very handsome with big blue eyes and a matching blue bonnet , big smiley face .

From slags to riches.

The alcohol has kicked in and I feel less shitty than earlier . The picture on the right is " Gin Alley " , I must buy a print and hang it somewhere that will catch my eye as a reminder of less happier days .

Maria Sharapovia is on TV playing tennis , she gracefully runs around the court and let's out a screech every time she returns the ball . Beautiful , blond and from Siberia , 6ft 2ins tall and worth mega bucks , she's as famous as anyone in the world .

Tennis was my passion as a youngster , winning the junior championship of my local club , I was the first ever junior member to be voted onto the clubs committee , this status came with privileges , keys to the clubhouse and keys to the bar . I abused my new status and took my lady friends into the club for free late night drinks , kisses and cuddles . A girl called Gina French kissed me one evening and it was a terrible shock then covered my neck with love bites , I remember my father asking " What are those abrasions on your neck young man? " , I didn't answer but felt my face blushing . Luckily my school shirt covered the hickeys and nobody noticed , I hung around with lads that played foota and went fishing , we never spoke of girls , i was leading a double life and loving every second .